Proactive vs Reactive

My Bible study group has been doing the Boundaries study by Cloud and Townsend. The study and the book, Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life, uses Biblical principles to explain what in life we are and are not responsible for.

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I was just reading about The Law of Proactivity in the book, most of which covers taking responsibility for our choices and for defining ourselves vs. allowing others to define who we are and what we do. This quote was particularly meaningful:

While reactive victims are primarily known by their "against" stances, proactive people do not demand rights, they live them.  Power is not something you demand or deserve, it is something you express.  The ultimate expression for power is love; it is the ability not to express power, but to restrain it. Proactive people are able to "love others as themselves". They have mutual respect. They are able to "die to self" and not "return evil for evil". They have gotten past the reactive stance of the law and are able to love and not react. (pg. 98)

These words were significant to me on two levels. One is from my childhood where an adult who had a very important presence in my life and who would say he demanded respect. Actually, he didn't say it, he usually yelled it out in various threatening tones.  The problem was that this individual did not have much respect for me or just about anyone else around him, and ironically, his lack of mutual respect meant he actually gained little of the respect he so insecurely demanded from others.

Fast forward to today, and I think about the hatred and division I see across the United States regarding politics. I have acquaintances on Facebook and Twitter and a few "in-person" relatives who delight in spewing forth vitriole about Republicans or Democrats, and who seem to be harboring some degree of disgust if not hatred against those who support the party which they hold with such disdain. Some of the things that are said offend me, but I choose to ignore it because these people are entitled to their opinion even if they don't think I'm entitled to mine.  At times, when I've shown support for the party I am most aligned with on the issues (without even mentioning the opposing party), these people respond - react - to me in an over-the-top-negative way. After reading that quote from Boundaries, I believe that my choosing to ignore their behavior in regard to politics while loving them for the other facets of their personality is being proactive.

Be proactive, choose mutual respect.  We don't have to agree on everything, and really, we shouldn't when we have appropriate personal boundaries. If you've been hurt and you're angry, find a way out of the tunnel vision of your pain instead of spreading it by lashing out. There's a respectful way to disagree.

Divided we fall, at the level of personal relationships or as a nation.

1 Corinthians 1:10 I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment.

Galations 5:13-15 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another humbly in love. If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.